Saturday, October 20, 2007

Fictitious Facts about Rajnikanth

This was forwarded to me by an American friend who read my post on Sivaji and Rajnikanth. Thought I will share it with you. It is hilarious. Enjoy.

Top Rajnikant Facts known to man:

  • There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Rajnikant has allowed to live
  • Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet with Rajnikant
  • Rajnikant counted to infinity – twice
  • When Rajnikant does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down
  • Rajnikant is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head
  • Rajnikant’s hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush in Poker
  • Rajnikant doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is
  • Rajnikant gave Mona Lisa that smile
  • Rajnikant can slam a revolving door
  • Rajnikant does not get frostbite. Rajnikant bites frost
  • Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a Padayappa on Satellite TV
  • There are no races, only countries of people Rajnikant has beaten to different shades of black and blue
  • Rajnikant’s house has no doors, only walls that he walks through
  • Rajnikant doesn’t actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear
  • Rajnikant can divide by zero
  • Newton’s Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Rajnikant turnaround kick
  • For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Rajnikant, each testicle is larger than the other one
  • When taking the GRE, write “Rajnikant” for every answer. You will score over 1600
  • Rajnikant invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink
  • In the beginning there was nothing…then Rajnikant kicked that nothing in the face and said “Get a job”. That is the story of the universe
  • Rajnikant has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth
  • Rajnikant grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage
  • Archeologists unearthed an old English dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined “victim” as “one who has encountered Rajnikant”
  • Rajnikant ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one
  • If you Google search “Rajnikant getting his ass kicked” you will generate zero results. It just doesn’t happen.
  • Rajnikant can drink an entire gallon of milk in thirty-seven seconds
  • Rajnikant doesn’t bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint
  • It takes Rajnikant 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes – no, he doesn’t have a TIVO
  • The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Rajnikant kicked one of the corners off
  • There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Rajnikant lives in Chennai
  • Rajnikant once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink
  • Thousands of years ago Rajnikant came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its decedents now have white hair.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Man from New Jersey

I was at a training session today about innovations in the credit card industry and one of the speakers started with an anecdote about an innovative businessman, which I found to be very interesting. Thought I will share it with you.

They say in Manhattan, that you can identify a Man from New Jersey by his looks. One such man walked into one of the leading banks in Manhattan and asked for an immediate loan of $10,000. The banker, dressed in one of his finest of suits was skeptical; as would any New Yorker be of a Man from Jersey, and thought that it was an obvious set up for swindling money. His suspicions got confirmed when the Man from Jersey said that he wanted the money in an hour's time since he was catching a plane to go out of the country for 2 weeks. But, being a true banker, he still wanted to earn the business and make some money.

(I have deliberately tried to make the beginning narration sound like lines from Quentin Tarantino movies; remember David Carradine's narration in the chapter "The Cruel Tutelage of Pai Mei" in Kill Bill?)

"I can't just give you a loan of $10,000 without any type of collateral" the banker replies politely.

"Will my car do?" the Man from Jersey asks.

"Depends on the car" the banker replies

"What if it is a brand new Mercedes?"

"I should think so..." the banker replies, who promptly has the car driven into the bank's underground parking for safe keeping, and then gives the Man from Jersey $10,000. The Man form Jersey fills the paperwork at 7.99% APR and leaves.

Two weeks later, the Man from Jersey walks into the bank to settle up his loan and get his car back.

"That will be $10,000 principal, and $16.64 in interest" said the Banker.

The Man from Jersey promptly writes a check, gives it to the Banker, gathers his keys, and starts to walk away.

"Wait, sir!" Banker says. I've just got one question. Obviously you are wealthy. Why did you want to borrow $10,000?"

The Man from Jersey smiled "Well, when I got here I noticed the congested traffic and the obviously high parking rates of $20/hr and decided it was too much of a risk to park my car around town because it might get scratched up. Where else could I find a safer place to park my Mercedes in Manhattan for two weeks and still pay only $16.64?"

Now, that's what I call innovation!

Friday, October 5, 2007

Thank You

I want to thank every person who has visited my blog in the last 3 months. The number of visits has crossed 1,000 as of 10/3/2007 and the site has logged its 300th unique visitor (No, it is not me clicking away to make up the numbers; I have excluded my IP addresses from all counters). While visitors from the US and India contribute 50% of the visits, followed by Australia, Canada and UK (25%), it has been very encouraging to see visitors from countries like Poland, Russia, Cyprus, Lithuania and Romania logging a significant number of visits. The site has also achieved significantly high organic rankings (as high as #3) on high traffic keywords on Google. The highest # unique visitors on a single day so far has been 35, recorded on 9/27; apparently Google likes people blogging about it.

Happy Reading!

Sincerely,
Naga

Open door policy - a classic Seinfeld moment

One of the first things I noticed and slowly developed when I migrated to the US was to hold the door open for the man/woman following me to the door and people are generally appreciative of it. While it is always easier when you have someone following right behind, a tricky situation arises when the person is not close enough to pass the baton, and far enough that you have to go out of the way to hold the door open? As Shakespeare would have put it - To hold the door or not is the question.

Having found myself in one such awkward situation today, I decided to let go and was the recipient of the most scornful look I had ever received from the person who followed me (Classic Seinfeld (George Costanza) moment!), and that has made me write this post. Since I am pretty confident that the Fab Four in Seinfeld have not discussed this burning issue in day today American life, I would like to know from my readers if there is a thumb rule to this great tradition that I should know and follow.

Let me know your comments!

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

Profit or Philanthropy?

On one of those happy hours after work, my colleague and I got into a debate on companies and their social responsibility. His view was that a company's only responsibility is to make money for its shareholders and that they should be blamed neither for problems in the society nor ignoring their responsibility towards society - pretty capitalistic indeed. My view was that though profit remains a company's primary motive and shareholders their primary focal point, companies must be profitable within the realms of social responsibility. Remember, I am not a communist by any means, neither am I a total believer in Ayn Rand and her theory of objectivism. I believe in capitalism where society plays a significant part - a middle ground of sorts.

So, profit or philanthropy? Competitive advantage or corporate social responsibility? Where does one end and other begin for a company (or an individual, for that matter). Can everyone, like Buffet and Gates have proved successfully, follow one up with the other? If all companies were socially responsible, wouldn't we all be buying groceries only from Whole Foods? Wouldn't every car manufacturer switch to hybrids?

When Nike faces a consumer boycott because of media reports on its labor practices in Asia or when McDonald's and KFC are held responsible for obesity in the US, it raises a debate in my mind - Are we right in pointing the finger at companies for flaws in the individual or the society? Or are companies and their practices the causes of the flaws that we are talking about? It is a classic chicken and egg question. After all, Who is John Galt?

In pursuit of more clarity on this issue, I came across this article in the Harvard Business Review by Porter and Kramer (yes, Porter of "Porter's 5 forces" fame), winner of the 2006 McKinsey Award for the Best Harvard Business Review Article.

Porter discusses both sides of the issue but agrees that there is a "moral purpose of business" and proposes a framework by which companies can integrate business and social needs into their value chain. Among the many cases he uses to highlight this concept, I found that of Nestle to be the most interesting (refer text below) and most explicit in highlighting how a company can contribute to economic and social growth while increasing its profits; a win-win.

Maybe there is John Galt!

Integrating Company Practice and Context: Nestlé’s Milk District

Nestlé’s approach to working with small farmers exemplifies the symbiotic relationship between social progress and competitive advantage.

Consider the history of Nestlé’s milk business in India. In 1962, the company wanted to enter the Indian market, and it received government permission to build a dairy in the northern district of Moga. Poverty in the region was severe; people were without electricity, transportation, telephones, or medical care. A farmer typically owned less than five acres of poorly irrigated and infertile soil. Many kept a single buffalo cow that produced just enough milk for their own consumption. Sixty percent of calves died newborn. Because farmers lacked refrigeration, transportation, or any way to test for quality, milk could not travel far and was frequently contaminated or diluted.

Nestlé came to Moga to build a business, not to engage in CSR. But Nestlé’s value chain, derived from the company’s origins in Switzerland, depended on establishing local sources of milk from a large, diversified base of small farmers. Establishing that value chain in Moga required Nestlé to transform the competitive context in ways that created tremendous shared value for both the company and the region.

Nestlé built refrigerated dairies as collection points for milk in each town and sent its trucks out to the dairies to collect the milk. With the trucks went veterinarians, nutritionists, agronomists, and quality assurance experts. Medicines and nutritional supplements were provided for sick animals, and monthly training sessions were held for local farmers. Farmers learned that the milk quality depended on the cows’ diet, which in turn depended on adequate feed crop irrigation. With financing and technical assistance from Nestlé, farmers began to dig previously unaffordable deep-bore wells. Improved irrigation not only fed cows but increased crop yields, producing surplus wheat and rice and raising the standard of living.

When Nestlé’s milk factory first opened, only 180 local farmers supplied milk. Today, Nestlé buys milk from more than 75,000 farmers in the region, collecting it twice daily from more than 650 village dairies. The death rate of calves has dropped by 75%. Milk production has increased 50-fold. As the quality has improved, Nestlé has been able to pay higher prices to farmers than those set by the government, and its steady biweekly payments have enabled farmers to obtain credit. Competing dairies and milk factories have opened, and an industry cluster is beginning to develop.

Today, Moga has a significantly higher standard of living than other regions in the vicinity. Ninety percent of the homes have electricity, and most have telephones; all villages have primary schools, and many have secondary schools. Moga has five times the number of doctors as neighboring regions. The increased purchasing power of local farmers has also greatly expanded the market for Nestlé’s products, further supporting the firm’s economic success.

Nestlé’s commitment to working with small farmers is central to its strategy. It enables the company to obtain a stable supply of high-quality commodities without paying middlemen. The corporation’s other core products—coffee and cocoa—are often grown by small farmers in developing countries under similar conditions. Nestlé’s experience in setting up collection points, training farmers, and introducing better technology in Moga has been repeated in Brazil, Thailand, and a dozen other countries, including, most recently, China. In each case, as Nestlé has prospered, so has the community.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Is Google DoubleClicking its way to dominance?

Rarely do Microsoft (MSFT) and Yahoo! (YHOO) join hands on an issue, but when the firm on the other side is Google (GOOG), they are more than happy to do so. Ever since Google announced the $3.1 bn takeover of DoubleClick, the two software giants have been crying foul over the control it will give Google over Internet advertising.

While Microsoft - who also wanted to buy DoubleClick - is playing the role of the peeved loser pointing to anti-trust violations (no stranger to being the target of anti-trust accusations themselves), Yahoo seems more concerned about the future of advertisers on the web. To paraphrase, both companies are running scared of Google's latest attempt at dominating the webosphere, where it already holds sway with search (paid or organic). The fact of the matter is that Google’s purchase of DoubleClick would combine the two largest online advertising distributors from two dominant advertising channels (search and display ads) and thus substantially reduce competition in the advertising market on the Web - a shrewd move indeed by Messrs Schmidt, Brin and Paige.

Having spent the best part of the last two years on internet marketing analytics and having worked with both Google and DoubleClick, I can clearly see this being a seminal move. Here are the reasons - Google is the 800-pound gorilla in online advertising (It owns 56% of the core U.S. search market; Microsoft - 12%; Yahoo 23% - as of July 2007) and this merger doesn't change that. But at the same time, this deal clearly has the potential to ignite Google's efforts in the display ad market and down the road gives them the opportunity to create a platform that marries search and display ads in a way that it will be hard to fathom others imitating. Even the sky high price may be less a function of DoubleClick's current worth and more about what it can strategically provide for Google—and what it could have done for Microsoft or Yahoo!

Google seems to be following the most successful adage in business - "If you can't make it, buy it". Google's display efforts to date, like its attempts to expand outside of search in general, have been marginally successful at best. So in a lot of ways, it had to do acquire a company like DoubleClick. But what was surprising to me was the aggressive approach taken by Google towards dominating the industry - while it could have easily and conservatively sat on its riches from search, it decided to expand its horizons and give it rivals something more to think about.

As the legal battles and corporate counter-strategies unfold over the next few months (Microsoft has since announced the $6 bn purchase of DoubleClick's rival aQuantive), I can but only sit and admire a company that simply doesn't want to lose anything - not even a market share it doesn't have!

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Fast and Furious...

...two adjectives that would aptly describe the recently concluded 20/20 Cricket World Cup. Some might say "too fast, too furious", but I think the speed was just about right. This was the best cricket tournament since '99 World Cup - the last such one where at least 2 other teams (SA & Pak) were as good as the Aussies before the men in gold and green surged ahead to leave the rest of the world languishing in doldrums.

It is a common business transformation strategy to change a company's focus from its products and revenue to its consumers and many leading companies have turned around losing businesses by successfully implementing it. Cricket over the last 10 years had become a game run by lawyers/politicians for lawyers/politicians with focus on its product (ODIs) and revenue (broadcasting revenue). Along the way the needs and pulse of the consumer was forgotten. While on the verge of alienating the fans from the game, serendipitously or not, the ICC has just implemented one such successful transformation.

Despite numerous experts questioning the purity of the concept (Articles 1, 2 & 3), I am convinced that the game has received the perfect dose of caffeine to keep it going. While it definitely doesn't tamper with the purity and position of the more pristine form of the game that is test cricket, it certainly marks the beginning of the end of the 50 over game and nothing highlighted that more than the contrasting nature of the two world cups staged over the last 6 months - one whose winner was obvious 4 years before it started and the other whose winner was unknown until the last 4 balls were bowled!

While the purists correctly argue that test cricket is the true test of skills, truly close contests of the highest quality are too far and few in between to attract anyone but purists to the game. Over the last 10 years there have been only 2 mindblowing test series (Aus vs. India 2001 & Aus vs. Eng 2005) to satisfy the non-purist. Steve Waugh and his fearless Aussies revolutionized the game by scoring at an unheard of rate of 4 an over in tests, but few other teams could consistently match them to make things interesting. Arguably, the shorter version levels the field for a more even contest where ephemeral brilliance rather than sustained genius is sufficient to win games. But in doing so, it has unearthed the the key to closer contests and tighter finishes that has become a rarity in the game. Also, the average cricket fan does not have 5 days to watch the game in stadiums and appreciate the purity of the game. He prefers the luxury of Cricinfo to give him the executive summary. 20/20 has truly brought the fan back to the grounds.

And finally, to critics who site that the version may not produce a Sachin or a Lara, the counter argument is that Sachins and Laras are supreme talents that will show up and shine irrespective of the format of the game. It might be worthwhile to remember that SRT first announced his talent to the cricket world by taking the life out of Abdul Qadir (described by none other than Viv Richards as the toughest bowler he had faced) in an exhibition match in Pakistan before he went on to greater deeds and bigger stages. Hence the argument is moot.

Twenty Twenty is victory for the cricket consumer and hence I rest my case!

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

PhD - Passing with High Difficulty?

About a year ago, when I read about Kamal Hassan being conferred a PhD by some random university in Chennai, I felt that the so called custodians of the Indian education system (most of them ex-convicts or politicians; well they are actually one and the same) have tampered with and squeezed enough profit out of undergraduate education through engineering colleges that they are now targeting the doctorate degree for their next butchering act (poor Masters, nobody cares about it). And now when I read about Vijay, I was reminded of a very bad pj that my friend used to tell when we were in 3rd or 4th grade - "What is Phd? Passing with High Difficulty." That is precisely what the acronym has been reduced to. I wouldn't be surprised if I don't hear about Ajith being offered one soon (after all, the thalai can never be lagging behind the thalapadhi). So as this burlesque act continues, like a uncontrolled nuclear reaction, the PhDs will multiply and eventually destroy the system.

So what does it take to earn a PhD in India - act in a few movies? Maybe I could digest this parody if the movies that we are taking about here were at least original. But that not being the case, (90% of the movies are being made are rehashes of English or still worse, Tamil movies) what did these so called experts in the art of movie making create to be worthy of the highest academic degree. Maybe the actors associations (Since most actors are owners of some Engineering college and are also affiliated with one of two political parties, actors associations are synonymous with legislative assembly/parliament or the Directorate of Education) got together and thought "well, we cant win Academy awards with the kind of movies we make, lets honor ourselves with something that a Kurosawa, Nicholson or a Bergman don't have - a PhD".

Well, to all my friends who are still slogging it out in research labs solving differential equations and developing inventory models to obtain that coveted degree, I really really feel bad for you, because I am taking off to Kodambakkam to get my PhD in...Copyrights Violation?

Sunday, August 12, 2007

East or West, India is a land of snake charmers at its best

I saw two ads on cable TV today (Vitamin Water & Tanqueray Rangpur) on different channels within a span of 20 minutes and interestingly enough both featured India, symbolized not by the Taj or the Himalayas, not Gandhi or Aishwarya (supposedly the two most recognized Indians in the world) and definitely not the sprawling IT corridors of Bangalore or Hyderabad. India was proudly represented by the antediluvian images of snake charmers and their pets showing off their latest moves. I would have had a good laugh had the ads shown a call center in Bangalore or Noida.

So what is it with the West and its perception of India as a land of magic, swamis, snakes and most bizarre of cultures and spiritualism. Is the West oblivious to the developments that have taken place in the country over the last 20 years, from becoming the services hub of the world to housing R&D centers for global leaders like GE and Intel and becoming the twelfth largest economy in the world in that process (with a GDP growth rate of 9.4% in 2006-07)? Or is it just a blurred vision of a few that keeps reinforcing the stigmatic images of the country that was made popular by BBC shows and the Indiana Jones adventures? A third possibility is that though the West has embraced India when it comes to recruiting its brilliant engineers, setting up its latest product centers or accepting the importance of Yoga and Karma in their day today lives, it continues to market the country to its common man as it has always done - deliberately choosing to ignore the sublime growth of a new nation, perhaps as a result of the inertia to preserve the mystique and exoticness that has been long associated with the country. Having spent the last 6 years in the US, my personal opinion is that it is the listless work of a few that continues to project India in such deprecating ways.

Tuesday, August 7, 2007

Shaolin Soccer

I am not a big soccer fan and so I restrict myself to just the World Cups. (NBA, NFL, Tennis and cricket continue to hold sway over me). The glorified initiation that got kicked off with Maradona's genius in '86 never really grew on me as it did on some of my other friends who follow English Premier League and Spanish League with their own fantasy teams just like I follow NFL.

Recently I happened to watch a soccer game on TV as part of Copa America and it got me to wonder why the game never really got my adrenalin pumping. Even Golf, which I thought could never be a TV sport because of the snail like pace and Boxing, which always got me to wonder why the two guys are fighting in the first place, eventually won over me, but Soccer remains my neglected step-child. Why?

The primary reason is that the game's ultimate motive - to score goals - happens very infrequently. The average number of goals in in the 2006 World Cup was 2.27 (Source: Wikipedia, where else?). Assuming a 90 minute average time per game, that translates to a wait of 40 mins per goal. Though for the rest of time we might be treated to excellent dribbling, solid defense and swerving free kicks, 40 minutes is too long a wait for a single piece of action that moves the game forward.

So what can be done to make this game more appealing to me and the others (mostly Americans I would imagine) who share the same view of the most popular game in the globe. Here is a simple solution - take out the goal keeper.

What does this do to the game?

1. It takes away the use of hands from the game completely. All players are now bound by the same rules.
2. In my opinion if the person has taken the ball past the midfielders and defenders, there is no need for him to go past one more opponent who can can use his hands, to score a goal. Having a goal keeper in soccer is akin to having Shaq guard the basket in NBA for the full 48 minutes (imagine the scoreline of Basketball games in such a scenario) or playing cricket with 15 players, all of them planted on the boundary.
3. Taking goalkeepers out of the game would definitely improve the quality of defense and offense. All players are now forced to play tough defense and block shots and not rely on the goalie and to score, they must work the ball close to the goal and not take long shots; so control, dribbling, passing and movement are all better than the regular game.
4. Most importantly it would increase the number of goals scored in a soccer game without sacrificing its quality thus making it more attractive for people like me to watch.

What do we call this? Shaolin Soccer?