Downgrades are not good. It is true for all things including bonuses, stock values and airline seats and the only ones that have made me happy, until last week at least, are tax cuts. But when I fit snugly into "medium" sized sweaters for the first time in my life (after I became large, that is) it was one those "Aha!" moments, that I could have captured and framed for eternity in my living room; more so, since I have achieved this by running 100 miles per month (5 miles/day) for the last 3 months and not by liposuction as I had originally intended to do so!
I have always felt that the clothing companies should do to apparel, what Starbucks has done to coffee cups. The official Starbucks sizing scheme mixes pretentious use of Italian, and lies. The correlation goes roughly like this:
- "Tall", which in the context of a drink seems synonymous with "large",
- "Grande", which of course is Italian for "big", and
- "Venti", which means "twenty," the number of ounces.
Small, medium and large, in the context of clothes, on the other hand, are synonymous with "undernourished for an adult", "on the verge of obesity" and "obese", respectively. Other superlative extrapolations on either side, paradoxically, are not so superlative and only make things worse. In other words, no size is good.
One of my most embarrassing moments while shopping has always been when the girl at the showroom asks "What size are you, Sir?" and I reply "I am Large". Now, that just doesn't sound right. Also, why should a CSR be privy to the facts only my wife and doc know - that I am lazy, have lived in Wisconsin, and have a BMI of over 30?
So, here are my suggestions for clothes sizes:
- "Zippy", which means active or energetic
- "Zappy", which also means active or energetic, and
- "Zesty"; well, they all mean the same.
8 comments:
Three things:
1) Kudos on losing weight! It's hard to do, but is necessary for survival. More importantly than training heart and muscle is training will power - that which shapes your entire life. Keep it up!
2) Down with Starbucks! Thank you (sarcastic tone here) for misleading honest red-blooded americans about what a capuccino is. It's bad enough that most americans think that football is that pathetic version of rugby where obese (do we really call them athletes?) players don 200 ponds of protective gear and break for commercials every 45 seconds... everyone in the civilized world knows that football is where you kick a normal round ball with your foot. Any civilized person will also tell you that a capuccino is 3 equal parts espresso, steamed milk, and foam. Starbuck's version is 1.5 oz. espresso, 15 oz. milk, and the rest is foam. Yuk!
3) I like the idea of more creative sizing for clothes, but I thik there should be gender differentiation. So, for women it should be:
- Spinner (petite)
- Orpah (maternity)
- Ricci (as in Nicole - small)
- Halle (as in Berry - medium)
- Packer (as in Green Bay fan - large)
- WNBA (extra Large)
For guys:
- Jockey (small)
- Liddel (as in Chuck - UFC middleweight champ - medium)
- Normal (large)
- Sasquatch (extra-large)
lil' Russ,
Three things:
1. Some deep thoughts there on will power-will remember.
2. The rant about SBUX; absolutely justified.
3. I like the sizes, notably Oprah and WNBA
Too much. I am totally impressed that you are running 100 miles a month da. Having run that for most of last year, I know the feeling man.
Training for any interesting races :). Let me know.
Guppy,
I believe in no races, let alone be interested in one; the only race I am interested in is the human race!
Yiiiikes! thats the best George Bush imitation I could come up with.
Seriously haven't thought about running races yet. There is a John Hancock tower climb next month for charity that I am going for.
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